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The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 00:35
by Quack
Hey guys. So I just got out of a three month relationship. We were together 24/7 basically, always slept in the same bed. He broke up with me. He kept telling me vague reasons for breaking up. This happened about 5 days ago. Today I asked if we could meet because I needed more closure. Tonight he confessed to cheating on me for the past few weeks.

I have never been broken up with before. I have no idea how to process this. Has anyone been cheated on? Please share your experience...

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 02:35
by kob
that's awful. i'm really sorry man. i've never been cheated on so i don't have much to offer in that sense, but i was broken up with after a 2.5 year relationship so i can offer some advice. first: cut off all contact with your ex. don't let yourself contact him and most certainly don't reply if he tries to talk to you. i made this mistake when my ex broke up with me and it only made it worse. you should unfriend on facebook, delete his number etc. the most important thing is to let go now - don't wait. you are naturally going to replay all the good times you had in your head, and maybe even rationalize with yourself that you can make it work. it might sound harsh, but the blunt truth is it's not going to work. he broke up with you for a reason and he did it in the worst way possible. so any time you catch yourself thinking like this try to stop and remember this fact. it's over, it's done with.

secondly: take the time to grieve. don't try to resist that shitty feeling - it's how you SHOULD feel and it's how you get through it. but try to take your mind off it, whether that's working or hobbies or just small things that will make you feel better. talk to close friends or family, too. one of the best things you can do is have an outlet for your thoughts and feelings. i made the mistake of keeping it bottled up and it only makes it harder.

most important of all: be ready to move on. take the time to grieve, but be ready to get back on your feet. there's plenty of fish in the sea and no matter how shitty you feel now just know it'll get better. it ALWAYS does.

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 02:47
by Quack
Thank you kob. That helps a lot. I've realized for sure that it's not good to resist that shitty feeling. I need to let it come and I need to feel it, so I can process it and get through it and over it. That was my first thought once we broke up.

I needed to hear this: "the blunt truth is it's not going to work. it's over. it's done with." That is definitely helping me right now. The thought of trying to make it work has ran through my head. you're right. It's not going to work.

I just blocked him on Facebook, blocked his number, and blocked his email address.

GAAAAH deep breaths. It's over. I feel shitty and will continue to feel shitty. Eventually I will feel less shitty. No more contact. It's going to be ok. It's going to get better.

this helps. thanks again

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 02:48
by burnfire88
Cry too! A good cry might make you feel better later on. Just get all the feelings out. It'll be all good soon for you I'm sure Mr Quack! We all love you here buddy!

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 02:59
by kob
there you go man. it fucking sucks and there's no way to get around it, but know that not every relationship works and the fact he broke up with you proves that things were not going to work so why tell yourself it will? and if you ever think you won't find someone else: you will. how do you think you got into that relationship in the first place? does one break up suddenly mean you can't find someone else? someone better? someone who won't cheat on you?

cry, eat ice cream, play video games. whatever you can do to take your mind off it. it's all about you for now. being single is a great time to focus on yourself. just be ready to move on when the time comes. you'll look back on this moment in the future and wonder why you ever cared for him in the first place.

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 03:44
by youdiedtooeasily
Sorry to hear young duckling. That's how my last serious relationship was carried out and ended only it was 6 months. I feel the same way bro, the thing that drove me crazy is there was no closure, the breakup was sudden and I wasn't prepared for it. She didn't cheat on me, that I know of, but it gutted me deep inside since I kept seeking that closure like you did, so I get where you're coming from. I kept trying to call her, driving to her apt, etc. just to get down on my knees and beg for a second chance only I never got one. We didn't speak for two months and then we finally met up again and reconciled, which she is the only girl that I have ever been able to talk to again after a break up, so that was also new for me.

We both finally just admitted it wasn't going to work and we both felt relieved in a sense, it's hard to explain. Admitting the ugly truth kinda makes you nod your head and realize, yeah, time to move on. We're still friends but all the feelings of "being in love" are gone. She's more like "one of the guys" to me now and that's fine. I do admit, the first half of the relationship was the happiest times in my recent life, but it just wasn't meant to be and you really have to look inward and admit it to yourself otherwise it'll eat you alive. After the breakup I went on a heavy drinking binge and it was bad. I just wasted so much time sulking instead of moving on. I know it's hard but find a healthy way to cope with it is all. The last girl I was dating didn't work out and due to the previous rough experience I just rolled my eyes and was like fuck it, I'll move on just fine. It didn't even phase me a register a response. Just think to yourself it could always be worse. You could still be with the guy and he'd progress from cheating to getting abusive or worse. If he already went down that slippery slope there is no telling how much further he would go out of his way to hurt you. Remember that. People are crazy.

The getting cheated on feeling fucking sucks, I hear ya. My first real heavy relationship was in my early 20's and I thought she was the "one". She was living with me for a year or so, we were planning on getting engaged. I found out from the guy she was cheating on me with about her nefarious lies. Basically when I went to work and night school, she hid pictures of us together and altered the rooms around to make it seem like she lived alone and was single and I guess one time when the guy came over she forgot to hide the evidence and he was like wtf!? She tried to bs her way out of it but he wasn't buying it. He found my number on a bill statement or something on the kitchen counter and sent me a shitload of pics of fb chats of her lying and explaining how sorry he was and he didn't know. I lost my fucking shit. He was a cool dude though, I'm happy he was honest and upfront about it and I totally forgave him since he felt so shitty. Wasn't his fault though. Reading the messages she sent him crushed me inside but also made me furious.

Her ass went to the fucking curb instantly. I threw all her shit out of my apartment and had to call the cops since she went into a batshit frenzy because she had nowhere else to go. I don't fuck around when it comes to backstabbing shit like that. Oh and of course, she tried to frame me for raping her and all this other shit which was so fun to deal with. She got knocked up afterwards by some other guy and blamed me for it and claimed I raped her and she wanted me to pay her child support. I had to go and get tested and prove myself and everything. Of course, I wasn't the father, but still had to go through the humiliation and waste of time. I honestly hope she killed herself, I have no idea since I never saw her again. I know that's a fucked up thing to say but just try me. I can become a walking nightmare if provoked.

You'll be alright dude. KoB and burn gave great advice as well, I say give it a few months and you'll be smacking yourself on the head wondering why you gave a shit in the first place. It's not worth loathing about, it just wasn't meant to be. The main thing to grasp is that IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT. We're here for ya though dude, I'll talk about literally anything, just hit me up.

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 04:51
by Quack
Wow ydte, that's some crazy shit. Wow. Just wow. That must have been really fucked to go through... Jesus.
Reminding myself that it isn't my fault makes me feel better too. Thank you.

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 05:34
by youdiedtooeasily
Quack wrote:Wow ydte, that's some crazy shit. Wow. Just wow. That must have been really fucked to go through... Jesus.
my life in a nutshell but I buck back so it doesn't phase me. #whitetrashethos
Quack wrote:Reminding myself that it isn't my fault makes me feel better too. Thank you.
SERIOUSLY LET THAT DRIVE IT IN HOMEY! It's not your fault. It never was and never will be. You saved yourself from a ticking time bomb. Imagine you're in a minefield and feel like taking a step backward to feel some sort of rectification since you're too afraid of the potential future risk of stepping on an unforeseen mine, don't. You'll eventually fuck up and explode regardless due to the underlying guilt of the past when you could have cleared the minefield without even knowing it simply by moving forward. Fucking autistic metaphor, yeah, but it sort of makes sense?

Just find a way to come to grip with reality, don't live in the past to justify your feelings. Move on, think ahead.

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 05:47
by Quack
I need to have some good cries and then make some personal goals for myself. Focus on me

Re: The Relationship Thread

Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2016 16:48
by Mr. Smith
Don't do what I did after my fiancee broke up with me. McDonalds may seem like your friend, but it will fuck you up. I've yet to have a good relationship. They always end badly. And being someone who's been cheated on, a lot, I feel you dude. *hugs*