Copy Pasta

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Mr. Smith
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Copy Pasta

Post by Mr. Smith » Wed Jun 29, 2011 18:10

>Just started dating this girl and I'm at her house
>I do pretty big monstrous shits and it was at the point where the turtle head started to inch it's way out
>Brown snake starts starts playing peekaboo with my ass hole
>Tell girlfriend I need to use bathroom for my contacts
>Lock door, sit on toilet trying to be as quiet as possible and instead let out the longest, loudest, nastiest shit snake ever
>Try flushing toilet, won't flush
>Start to panic, how embarrassing if the girl you just started dating found a big shit rod road blocking her bathroom
>I get desperate and grab the big piece, gagging all over the damn place
>I slowly walk the heap of turd soup over to the bathtub
>PLOP dropped it all in the bathtub... FUCK
>I begin to shove the shit down the shower drain
>Shower drain is clogged
>Walk back into her bedroom and sit down
>"You were in there for a while"
>"Yeah my contacts really bug me, sorry"
>"Wanna go do something later?"
>So happy she asked this
>"Yeah sounds great"
>"Okay I'm just gonna go have a quick shower"
>FUCK FUCK FUCK
>Start to panic, I can't let her find MY shit clogging her shower
>"Actually I can't go tonight, I have to go home"
>"It's okay, I guess I'll just go with Kelly"
>Sit at home for 45 mins worried fuckless
>Phone begins to ring
>"He-hello?"
>"WHAT THE FUCK"
>"Please don't be mad!"
>"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS"
>"It was an.."
>"MY LITTLE BROTHER SHIT IN MY SHOWER"
OBrocks wrote:i need to know if ill actually be getting a penis pump in the mail so i can prepare an explanation for my parents
Saladin wrote:I do not want to play two truths and a lie with Smith.
Quack wrote:PF BATTLE ROYALE 2015: EVERYONE DRAWS SALADIN LICKING HIS OWN BUTTHOLE

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Gordon Frohman
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Re: Copy Pasta

Post by Gordon Frohman » Wed Jun 29, 2011 19:22

>It's the 21nd of May
>go to grandma's house
>get coffee (it was Folger's - it made my fucking dad)
>cow starts mooing as it nearly almost does
>I get a flat tire
>I turn on my gps
>The door falls down and then I kick it
>This program is not responding
>I enter the house and realize it's locked
>I open the trunk to see why the engine is out
>there lies a man's hook hand car door hand hook
>shitbrix
>my face
Image
Achilles wrote:...You may kiss my ring...






Honestly you guys, Frohman was an Internet terrorist.

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Mr. Smith
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Re: Copy Pasta

Post by Mr. Smith » Sat Jul 02, 2011 15:37

>at public pools
>chillin' with friends
>there is huge inflatable thing that everyone is climbing on
>everyone's having good time
>tard gets on with minder at edge of pool
>everyone nervously gets off
>tard starts crying and screaming
>ends up falling into pool
>shorts come off when he falls into pool
>gets out of pool with huge boner and starts chasing everyone around thinking it's really fucking hilarious
>never go to public pools anymore
OBrocks wrote:i need to know if ill actually be getting a penis pump in the mail so i can prepare an explanation for my parents
Saladin wrote:I do not want to play two truths and a lie with Smith.
Quack wrote:PF BATTLE ROYALE 2015: EVERYONE DRAWS SALADIN LICKING HIS OWN BUTTHOLE

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Mr. Smith
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Re: Copy Pasta

Post by Mr. Smith » Sat Jul 02, 2011 15:38

>Tard in school with Hawking-esque keyboard on wheelchair
>Tard guardians chatting with each other, tard at top of ramp
>Tard starts rolling backwards, guardians don't notice
>Runs into trashcan at end of hall, tips wheelchair over
>Tries to call for help, but winds up saying ""Banana, banana, banana"" repeatedly
OBrocks wrote:i need to know if ill actually be getting a penis pump in the mail so i can prepare an explanation for my parents
Saladin wrote:I do not want to play two truths and a lie with Smith.
Quack wrote:PF BATTLE ROYALE 2015: EVERYONE DRAWS SALADIN LICKING HIS OWN BUTTHOLE

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Mr. Smith
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Re: Copy Pasta

Post by Mr. Smith » Sat Jul 02, 2011 15:39

Worked at tardfarm

We called Mook "Mook" because he was big, strong, had profound downs syndrome, and wanted milk above all else. This dude wanted milk like captain ahab wanted moby dick, he wanted it constantly, and he pronounced it "MOOOOK!!!1"!

He'd down a gallon in 10 seconds, and fight you for the other gallon in the fridge.

So one day, he's giving me all sorts of shit about his MOOOOOK when i notice that it seems he's given up, because he's not attacking anymore.

Nope. he's gone. left the reservation altogether. we search for a while, and finally call the cops. While we're on hold, another cop calls on call waiting. Mook has his phone number on a card he carries, thank goodness.

The cop would like me to come to the Burger King and pick up our client immediately.

5 minutes later, i'm at the BK, and there's Mook. He is fighting about four employees and the cop. He has, i shit you not, about a pound of lettuce stuffed into his pockets, like he was stealing it, and has his fucking mouth locked onto the ice cream machine nozzle like a lamprey eel. He's going to town. Pure abandon. Apparently he vaulted the counter when he was not served MOOOOK and has been on a rampage ever since. I admonished him, and he immediately quit and returned to the ranch with me, where he spent the night vomiting soft serve.
OBrocks wrote:i need to know if ill actually be getting a penis pump in the mail so i can prepare an explanation for my parents
Saladin wrote:I do not want to play two truths and a lie with Smith.
Quack wrote:PF BATTLE ROYALE 2015: EVERYONE DRAWS SALADIN LICKING HIS OWN BUTTHOLE

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Mr. Smith
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Re: Copy Pasta

Post by Mr. Smith » Sat Jul 02, 2011 15:46

>Be in highschool, 14 or 15, can't remember
>Waiting in line for lunch
>Complaining about food prices, attempting to sound adult
>Line moves forward
>Me and friend are next to tard table
>Tell friend about the guy who shat in the urinals and got away with it
>"Dude that's sick, there's no wa-"
>He gets cut off, retard next to us is screaming
>He grabs his spaghetti off of his tray and shoves it into his pants
>Takes off pants
>Begins shitting on lunch table, crying with laughter
>"I SHIT UN DUR URINAL HAHA IT WAS ME IT WAS ME"
>Tard wrangler nearby tries to stop him
>He's kicking her with the fury of a thousand tards
>Tard rage
>Me and my friend watch a half naked shit and spaghetti covered retard beat up an old woman
>he continued to shit through the whole ordeal
OBrocks wrote:i need to know if ill actually be getting a penis pump in the mail so i can prepare an explanation for my parents
Saladin wrote:I do not want to play two truths and a lie with Smith.
Quack wrote:PF BATTLE ROYALE 2015: EVERYONE DRAWS SALADIN LICKING HIS OWN BUTTHOLE

User avatar
Mr. Smith
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Re: Copy Pasta

Post by Mr. Smith » Sat Jul 02, 2011 15:47

>Elementary, 4th grade
>Coloring in pictures, trying to make poems that rhyme
>I get teamed with a few other folks to write a poem
>By folks I mean one of them was a retard
>"How about we use happily and silly?" says one kid
>"Not sure if that rhymes, wanna ask the teacher?"
>Wasn't watching retard, me and one kid go to teacher
>When we get back he is covered in puke, is eating the crayons
>"ALL THE CRAYONS TASTE LIKE THE PUWPLE ONE"
>Its a yellow crayon, he has eaten half the box
OBrocks wrote:i need to know if ill actually be getting a penis pump in the mail so i can prepare an explanation for my parents
Saladin wrote:I do not want to play two truths and a lie with Smith.
Quack wrote:PF BATTLE ROYALE 2015: EVERYONE DRAWS SALADIN LICKING HIS OWN BUTTHOLE

User avatar
Mr. Smith
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Posts: 9455
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2007 06:44
Consoles: 360, PC, Apple Faggot Machine
Location: In your sister

Re: Copy Pasta

Post by Mr. Smith » Mon Jul 25, 2011 20:50

WAKE UP IN THE MORNING
FEELING LIKE TED BUNDY
GRAB MY SHIT, OUT THE DOOR
I'M GONNA BOMB THE CITY
BEFORE I LEAVE, BRUSH MY GUN AND MAKE SURE IT'S INTACT
CAUSE WHEN I LEAVE FOR THE ISLE YOU'R ASS WILL GET CAPPED

I'M TALKING DRESSING LIKE A COP, COP
YA'LL SOCALISTS WILL BE STOPPED, STOPPED
I'M BLOWING UP YOU OF THE TOP, TOP
BOMB DROPPING, 'SPLODING YOUR FAVORITE BUILDING
YOU KNOW I DO IT CUZ I'M SHIELDING
NORWAY FROM AL THESE NIGGEEEEERRSS

JUST STOP, YOU'LL GET POPPED
I JUST BLEW A BUILDING UP
TONIGHT I'M A COP
AND I GOT THE RECORD TOPPED
SWIM SWIM FROM THE ISLE
BUT THE CARNAGE IT IS VILE, YEAH

JUST STOP, YOU'LL GET POPPED
I JUST BLEW A BUILDING UP
TONIGHT I'M A COP
AND I GOT THE RECORD TOPPED
SWIM SWIM FROM THE ISLE
BUT THE CARNAGE IT IS VILE, YEAH
OBrocks wrote:i need to know if ill actually be getting a penis pump in the mail so i can prepare an explanation for my parents
Saladin wrote:I do not want to play two truths and a lie with Smith.
Quack wrote:PF BATTLE ROYALE 2015: EVERYONE DRAWS SALADIN LICKING HIS OWN BUTTHOLE

User avatar
Mr. Smith
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Posts: 9455
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2007 06:44
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Location: In your sister

Re: Copy Pasta

Post by Mr. Smith » Tue Dec 27, 2011 17:59

>Take the bus to school
>It's a really cold day, decide to drink some Energy drinks to perk myself up
>Sitting by myself, as usual
>When out of the blue, a hot, shy girl sits next to me
>This isn't part of my daily schedule!
>Star sweating, even though it's cold
>She looks at me, struggling to choose the right words
>"A-are you ill?"
>Can't contain it any longer and begin to cry
>Start clambering overf her trying to escape, scratching at the fire escape
>She is screaming under my weight
>Suddenly, my stomach starts to rumble
>The energy drinks have had a negative impact on my bowels
>Release the girl from under my gut, she is crying and shaking
>Members of the bus push me into a corner and try to calm the girl down
>My pupils are dilating
>I don't think anyone knows how powerful this shit is going to be
>The spaghetti in my pocket which I stored for lunch has slipped out
>Suddenly, silence
>Everyone is quiet, the bus all realize this and look around
>A ringing sound comes from my anus
>Everyone stares at it
>It's the only sound in the world at the moment
>The bus starts shaking
>Time is now slowed down, I can hear the slow ticking of a man's wrist wa5tch
>It begins
>I have the most gigantic shit of my life, a liquid time-bomb
>I shoot out of the bus roof at Mach-speed, co0vering everything in my path with massive chunks of liquid shit
>I spiral into space, still shitting, the air on my face is cold and welcoming
>I'm now in space
>A single tear dribbles down my face
>I smile for the first time in years
>"I-I'm finally free..."
>The tear drips off my chin and sparkles
>I explode into treats
>The entire earth is covered in sweets
>World famine is solved
>World peace
>The shy girl stands up, still covered in shit
>She stares into space and smiles, tearing up

>"I knew you were the one"
OBrocks wrote:i need to know if ill actually be getting a penis pump in the mail so i can prepare an explanation for my parents
Saladin wrote:I do not want to play two truths and a lie with Smith.
Quack wrote:PF BATTLE ROYALE 2015: EVERYONE DRAWS SALADIN LICKING HIS OWN BUTTHOLE

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